no no no no you can’t creep up on a missile

    The heat in the car was near unbearable.  Julia eyed the air conditioner for a second and then quickly looked away.  “I must not be weak,” she whispered to herself.  She turned and looked at her husband in the passenger seat.  Sweat dripped from his eye lids as he blinked.  Every now and then he would take off his Nascar hat and wipe his forehead with it.  She hated the hat.  She hated the man.  She hated how quickly he had turned into this waste after high school.  Beer belly.  Pedo Mustache.  The same jeans he wore the day he got her pregnant.  “They are my lucky jeans,” he would say.

“remember how hard you worked to get them off baby?”

Of course she remembered.  She had thought about that night every day for the past 20 years.  If only she had just given up after the first 10 minutes.  It is amazing to think back on how much determination ruined her life.  But she needed to stop thinking like this.  Patrick was her husband.  He was the husband of her 4 children.  He was her life now.  Any dreams she might have had before went out the window that night.  She mustn’t think of that which she had lost forever.  She had more important business to attend to.

She took a left off the highway and pulled into the A&P parking lot.  It was practically empty.  It was always empty.  That is why Julia came here instead of going to the Stop and Shop right up the street from her home.  The A&P allowed her to be alone with all the food.  It allowed her to shop slow and to properly pick out every value with a cool head.  Food shopping is no joke.

She opened the door and Patrick crawled over the center console and exited the car through the same door.   She had asked him to fix the passenger side door a month ago.  She should have known better than to ask anything of Patrick.  Why couldn’t she just learn.  Why did she continue to make these mistakes.  Why couldn’t she just learn from her biggest mistake, and just give up?

The shopping went fast.  It always went fast with Julia.  The one place where she could feel in control and it always slipped through her fingers in a heart beat.  She glared at Patrick as she began unloading her groceries onto the belt.  A teenage boy worked the register.

“hello lucas” julia whispered.  She always used their names.  They were her friends after all.  The gatekeepers to her last refuge.  The boy smiled and asked her how she was.  She said good and so did he.  It was the same conversation every time she checked out, but the boy knew what lay under the surface of her words.  He must.  The passion was too powerful not to.  She loved him.  Not just him, but all of them.  Every stock boy and every floor manager and every cashier.  They were all her lovers.  Her secret.  Her friends.

Lucas was swiping the groceries through awfully fast.  Too fast.  Julie was getting concerned.  He hadn’t looked up from his duty in so long.  He hadn’t asked for her Bonus Card.  He wasn’t following the script.  Something was wrong.  She looked at Patrick.  Could he know?  Had he said something to Lucas while she had been unloading her groceries?  He must have.  Lucas wouldn’t have been acting like this if he hadn’t.  Julia shook with fear.  She looked at Patrick who was leafing through People Magazine.  Julia began to panic.  He must know.  He must.  He knew everything.  He knew of her love.  He knew of her lovers.  He knew that even though she had simply asked Lucas how he was, she had in fact been asking if he still loved her.  He knew that when Lucas said good he really meant that he would always love Julia, for she is beauty and she is love.  He knew of their secret language.  He knew.

Julia had to do something.  He eyed the belt.  The 10 loaves of bread were all running into eachother on the other end of the belt.

“NO NO NO NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING STOP THAT THE BREAD CAN NOT BE CRUSHED NOT EVEN A LITTLE NO ONE WILL EAT IT IF IT IS SMUSHED NO STOP YOU HAVE TO BAG THEM IN PAPER BAGS 4 IN ONE 4 IN ANOTHER AND 2 IN THE LAST HURRY COME ON WHAT WERE YOU THINKING I AM VERY PARTICULAR ABOUT ME BREAD OH NO THANK GOD I STOPPED YOU IN TIME”

“I am sorry” Lucas said as he bagged the bread.  “may i have your bonus card?”

Julia helped with the bagging and got out of there as fast as possible.  At home as she unpacked she realized she had left the eggs at the store.  She looked at Patrick and then at the car keys.  No.  The eggs were lost.  She couldn’t return.  She had barely gotten out of there.  Patrick knew.  The A&P was no longer hers.  Her lovers has been chased away.  Her refuge burnt to the ground.  She took a loaf of bread and walked up to her room.  She dreamed of leaving Patrick and living at the A&P forever.  She awoke with a smile.  Her final smile.